The Great Unwanted One Unconditionally Accepts You

Within the WitchCamp culture there is this thing called Affinity Groups. They are - for the most part - randomly assigned smaller groups within the larger group where you connect, check-in with each other around how they are going with camp, maybe make new friends, have time to talk about each other's experiences, do a mid-camp ritual together if you are called to, etc. Sometimes, apparently, the Affinity Group is not such a great experience for people, it could be a clash of personalities, a clash of cultures, rudeness, inconsideration, whatever it is sometimes the Affinity Groups just aren't so good. Thankfully, that has not been my experience - granted this is only my second ever WitchCamp so there's still time.

In my first WitchCamp when we arrived at the rego desk there was a big bowl full of pendants on a red cord and each of those pendants had a piece of art on them. They are the Affinity Tokens and we're invited to reach in and pull one out. That then becomes your Affinity Group for the duration of camp. Being an online experience this year I'm not sure what the process was or how random it was but we were sent out a care package with a few bits and bobs in it along with our Affinity Token.

This year a number of artists were asked to create a few Affinity Tokens and I happily volunteered. I was given three prompts to turn into tokens. My prompts were: *Waves* *Meditating for Knowledge* and *Moons reflecting on water* and almost immediately I had a vision of what each one would be. It did not take me long to first sketch then render them as they flowed into me quickly and easily with no thought at all, they were just there, waiting, like they knew I would be birthing them and so I did. I clothed them in Copic and they were then taken and turned into tokens for the coming Witches.

I was both amused and delighted that my token ended up being a piece of my own art. I happen to love my art. Do not get me wrong, if someone calls me an artist or compliments my work that pesky Inner Critic comes growling out ferociously to tear me down inside and call me an imposter, a fraud, a charlatan, telling me I'm no artist, who do I think I am?! Regardless of the Inner Critic's mean voice, I still enjoy most of my art for the most part, especially when I render it in Copic. It's like glitter for the face painting world, the face paint can be pretty bad but fling some glitter on it and it looks beautiful. My illustrations could be pretty meh but render it in Copic and all of a sudden it looks beautiful.

When I do art like this though when someone asks me for art for a specific thing I feel like I become a channel, my crown chakra opens up and my third eye is wide and the art simply lands on the Earth plane as though it was always there just waiting for my hand to come and draw it. This is my Affinity Token for the Affinity Group: Waves.

This one is from the prompt Meditating for Knowledge, which I think was simply called meditating person:

Last but not least, the one created from the prompt moonlight shining on water, which is known as the Tides Affinity Group:

I felt incredibly blessed at my first ever CloudCatcher to have been a part of a group of - off the top of my head - six other women. Each amazing women and we did probably the most powerful ritual together where we poured our grief into a container and we each grieved with the person doing the pouring, howling and wailing along with her in solidarity, it was amazing. I know that sometimes the Affinity Groups don't work out so well so I was incredibly happy and grateful to have had such a supportive all-female group. Please, do not read into my all-female comment. I love males, they are divine and sacred just as females are, just as the non-binary are and any of those I haven't mentioned. I just really appreciated having an all-woman space to share, connect and create magic. I enjoy all the other-than-female presences within the larger group, there was simply something secretly sacred that touched a very ancient piece of my heart within my all-female group that I cherished.

This time, while I have only spent an hour with my Affinity group so far, I feel the same way. There are only four of us this time. It is small, intimate and it feels like there is space and time for really good sharing and connecting. I am truly blessed. I look forward to leaning into these humans (there are some pronouns to take into respectful consideration here that I do not have the adequate language to describe in a collective manner, so 'human' will have to suffice with the provisor that there are again no males in my group) some more as we connect and support each other through the rest of camp. Again, I find myself blessed by the Goddess for providing me such an amazing group. More about them tomorrow though, it's time for today's main event... the second camp ritual!

THE SECOND RITUAL

Here's the thing about working between the worlds in magical spaces in groups of magical people with magical processes, you never know what is going to rise to the surface. My first day in Path has proven that, I certainly did not expect the undercurrent of shame around Sex to come up for exploration. Well, I also did not expect the familiar story I carry around with me to show up in the second group ritual and yet, here we are. Really though, it probably should not have been a great surprise, it's been nibbling at my toes all year, perhaps the Spider has dug it up and dragged it from the depths for a go-around.

We started by having a circle cast within the greater camp circle and I'm glad I experienced running the Iron Pentacle in Path this morning because that is what we then did. I prefer it when I am familiar with what is going on, unlike my first camp where it was all very new and very unknown to me. Before ritual we have ritual conspiracy where we are told the basic parameters of what the ritual will entail and while it is good for something to hold lightly, you never really know what is going to happen or what is going to stumble out of the darkness and into the light to be seen and though I had a familiar figure arrive, it was still unexpected. Clearly, though, it is begging to be acknowledged and held by me.

We were guided into a deep trance where we experienced rotting, practising for when our bodies die and decay in this world. Sounds morbid and a little creepy and perhaps it was a little, it was a bit confronting for me in moments but the end result was that there was nothing left of us but grit and that grit that is left behind is the stuff we carry around with us, sometimes for lifetimes.

We held that grit, we looked at that grit, we felt into that grit, perhaps we named it, or gave it a feeling name or perhaps it just existed and there were no words or feelings or movements attached to it, it was just our grit. 

I want to pause here to really deeply and fully acknowledge what an incredibly amazing job the Orgs have done in organising this WitchCamp. Normally we converge on the beautiful mountain that I live in the shadow of here in South East Queensland, Australia. It's normally an in-person camp where over 100 witches come together and create incredibly powerful magic, but COVID amiright? So the Orgs have put in a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of energy and a bucket tonne of skill to deliver what so far has been an incredibly similar experience online by way of the Zoomzies. They have created all the spaces we would have had on the mountain and they have designed rituals that incorporate all that Zoomzies has to offer and it's mind-blowingly incredible. Truly. The maddest of props to all involved in delivering such a comprehensive and intensive experience via technology, I am in deep awe.

Back to the grit.

We were then put into a breakout room or a station and we went through 4 different stations, or rather the stations came to us. I actually deeply love the order my experience went in, I'm not sure if I would have gone as deeply as I did had it been any other way, it was perfect. First, we had the sharing station where we were invited to think about the grit we had and wasn't I surprised to discover that my grit was titled The Great Unwanted One. It is a story that has been perpetuated from the moment I was born, possibly the moment my existence was discovered and potentially from a previous lifetime but there it was, my lifetime cross to bear dredged unexpectedly from the grit, grit that I may carry with me for this entire lifetime or maybe it will blow away in the wind one day. So there I sat holding that grit of mine, holding it and lamenting it and we were invited to think of the gift that grit might bring to community. We were each then asked to share what that gift was and the small group told each person that they honoured the gift they brought to community. My gift is Unconditional Acceptance. I honour the gift of Unconditional Acceptance that my grit allows me bring to community.

I am usually a find the silver lining kind of person, find the learning, find the growth, find the gift kind of person. Now don't get me wrong, I do not do it to bypass my grit, I spend plenty of time sitting with my experiences, my stories, my trauma, my grief, my wounds, my grit and the emotions that come with the grit, it is simply my way of beginning to move beyond, beyond the story, beyond the trauma because I am uninterested in dwelling there if I can help it. All of that is valid. I acknowledge I have plenty of trauma I am currently incapable of doing any of that with right now and there is nothing wrong with that either. No matter where each of us are in our journeys is perfectly imperfect and wonderfully human and completely valid. The Great Unwanted One has, until this point, had no silver lining, no learning, no growth, no gift. It has simply been the story of me, the story of Samm, it is what I am - The Great Unwanted One. This ritual process allowed me the opportunity to bring the dark into the light and take a moment to stop and think, what, if any, gift has it given me and BAM! It came through loud and clear, as sucky as it is to always feel like The Great Unwanted One, it has also given me a powerful gift that I am grateful for. It has given me the gift of Unconditional Acceptance. Discovering this, feeling this, acknowledging this was gently, softly empowering for me. I love how Unconditionally Accepting I am, it's one of the things I actually love most about myself. I will always accept the great unwanted ones unconditionally. That was a powerful realisation for me and perchance it will be what I need to know in order to begin cleaning out the wound that festers inside me, or maybe it won't, only Future Samm knows the answer to that one. I wouldn't call this gift silver lining but it has definitely allowed me to come at my grit with deeper compassion for myself, a deeper celebration of myself and a way to find at least a small bit of gratitude for my experiences.

From there we found ourselves in the drumming and movement station, which was perfect after processing the grit and gift, to move the body, to move the energy through and from the body. It was exactly what was needed to help shift some of the grit.

Next, we found ourselves at the outside station. We were given 10 minutes to go outside into the night (or the day for those joining camp from the USA and other places around the world) and meditate, connect with our glorious planet. The cool night air was exactly what I needed to help blow away some of the old cobwebs clinging to me. Lastly, we found ourselves in the meditation station to wrap it all up nicely where we chanted about seeking our innate wisdom.

After all four stations had been visited we found ourselves back in the main room where we brought some fun and some wisdom into the chatbox and shared our wisdom. It got a little silly in moments which brought with it some much-needed laughter to lighten and bring us up and out of the depths. Before we said farewell we sang a beautiful lullaby written by Fio a WildWood Priestess. His words and tune are still playing in my head. For the last run-through we were invited to sing it to the place inside us that needed it the most. Ooof. 

So now I am spent and I will sleep deep between the worlds tonight. This thing we do, it may bring up things but we are held safely and securely in these moments and we are always brought back to centre and love. If not, well people can always come see one of the Wellness Witches (I'm one!) for some extra support and witnessing.

It is an amazing journey this one, full of twists and turns and sometimes unexpected potholes but I wouldn't have it any other way. No one said this journey would be smooth as we traverse through life. No one mentions how resilient you have to be either, but no one ever told me it would be smooth. I was thrown into this life headfirst through a really tight passage that squeezed me like a diamond being formed. This camp though, this work, this magic, this is the gritty stuff.

Tomorrow, more on Path work and perhaps the Affinity Ritual. Until then, with love and laughter you awesome creatures! In Joy!