Sometimes you have to parent yourself.

 

I tend to need this as a constant reminder, every moment of every day and if I need it, then maybe you need it to. Sometimes it is difficult for me to accept myself as being worthy, enough, strong, powerful. Sometimes it's easier for me to believe I deserve to be treated badly rather than deserve to be treated well, that I deserve only bad things to happen to me rather than good things. Sometimes I definitely do not feel capable. Sometimes I need to slap that inner bitch inside me upside its metaphorical head though.

How do I slap it down? I take a moment to ground myself, connect to Source (whatever Source is for you, maybe it's one God or many God's or Goddesses, maybe it is the collective Universe, perhaps it is the Akashik records) and then centre myself to the here and now, the present. I do that often by pretending I am a tree and imagine my feet growing into roots that connect right down through the Earth's crust, past the crystal caves, diving into the hot, hot magma and connecting right into the Earth's iron core and pulling that warmth and strength up into my body that Earth willingly gives me for I am her daughter and she loves me. I extend my arms and head out and upward like limbs in a tree reaching up, up, up as far as I can imagine usually tapping into an imaginary celestial brain of all-knowing, bringing the cool, calm, all-knowing power down that he willingly gives me for I am his daughter and he loves me and then I tap into my heartbeat in the middle, the centre of where and who I am and imagine it thrumming away in the here, in the now. Connected. Centred. Present.

I disconnect myself from the past, I stop imagining the future, I focus on right now. I do that by focusing on my senses, what can I see? What can I feel with my body, my hands, my skin? What can I smell? What can I taste? What can I hear? I focus on my breath. I take at least three deep breaths in and just when I think I have filled my lungs to capacity, I try to suck in a little bit more and I hold it, then release it and when I think I have emptied my lungs all the way, I try to push out just a little bit more.

Sometimes that isn't enough though, you know? Sometimes my busy, busy, opinionated brain has a way of refusing to budge from its woe-it-me. I made a list one day and committed to trying to do at least one thing on the list when I am feeling this way. I call it my list of Self-Parenting. The Interwebs is all about Self-Care this and Self-Care that but it just doesn't sit with me. Don't get me wrong, I am doing my best to care for me but when I think of being cared for, I think of being a mother and caring for my children and it occurred to me, I need to Self-Parent. Because being a full-time Uni student, a medical transcription contractor and a mother, artist, witch, I simply don't have time for Self-Care sometimes and sometimes what I think of as Self-Care. That is when my Inner Parent needs to step in and say, ok so you don't have time for a long hot shower? Just go have a quick 5-minute one then. You don't have time to go for a half-hour walk? Just walk out to the letterbox and back then. As much as my Inner Child likes to arc up and want to just run wild and play hookey, she knows that when my Inner Parent steps in like that, THAT is when I am truly caring for myself.

I have worked a lot with the Inner Child. I have made it through most of Lucia Capacchione's book Recovery of Your Inner Child. I have even created an Inner Child Workshop over on Udemy that guides you through creating a sacred journal specifically for working with the Inner Child and guiding on how to draw and then communicate with your Inner Child using dominant and non-dominant hand communication. It occurred to me as I did the work that what I really need, is to Self-Parent. I realised somewhere along the time that I was so unparenting/unnurtured/uncared for as a child that I was missing that component in my life, that no one else was going to do it for me and that I needed to step up for myself.

So I decided to put together a list of Self-Parenting prompts for those times where I'm feeling beyond low. I know I forget. I forget to look after myself the way I look after my children no matter how I'm feeling. I am the one that gets left behind. So I made a list to look at when I'm lower than low and I choose at least ONE thing from the list. Just one. More is better if I can manage it but I only choose one if that is all I can manage and that might be enough to build the energy into letting me do two things the next day and maybe three the day after until I claw and scrape my way out of the pit.

SELF-PARENTING LIST

1. Have a shower/bath.

2. Brush your teeth.

3. Brush your hair.

4. Put on some makeup.

5. Dress up.

6. Do one chore that needs to be done.

7. Make the bed.

8. Read one chapter of a fictional novel.

9. Do one Uni requirement (read a page of uni text, work on an assessment for 5 minutes, etc).

10. Mow the lawn/do some gardening.

11. Go for a short walk.

12. Have a piece of fruit.

13. Eat a vegetable.

14. Drink a glass of water.

15. Find a new recipe to try.

16. Sing one song.

17. Dance/move your body for one song.

18. Give/receive a hug.

19. Tell someone you love them.

20. Tell someone something you admire about them.

21. Find 10 things to be grateful for - even if it's as simple as having an indoor toilet that flushes.

22. Do at least 5 minutes of an LMOD session.

Even that doesn't help some days if I'm being brutally honest. Some days it's hard to even be bothered to get out of bed let alone brush my teeth but when I only ask myself to do one thing on this list, it seems a little more manageable. I can push myself to do just one thing. This helps me. It might not help you or maybe it could, so it's here if ever you find you need it. If ever you need to feel you're not alone when getting out of bed is an accomplishment, know I have my days like that too. Sometimes, just doing the Self-Parenting needs to be done before you can even make it up the ladder to the frivilous and fun Self-Care that the memes love to talk about.