Tripping on a flat and deceptively unimpeded surface

 The Iron Pentacle. The Iron Pentacle. The Iron Pentacle.

What is it? It's a tool for growth, for change, for exploration, for transformation. It's a tool of excavation. It's a tool to make known what might be hidden. It's a tool. A tool that can be used for self-development and more. Because of all this, sometimes you may find yourself wading in what seems like shallow enough waters only to take a step and end up in over your head trying to swim back to the surface. Sometimes you will be walking along a deceptively flat and unimpeded surface only to trip over something you didn't know was there, or even trip over nothing at all simply because you're clumsy. It is impossible (for me) to be prepared for something I am completely unaware of.

I pulled a card for today's workings and I didn't really like what I saw. I mean, just being at camp is stepping out of my comfort zone so if the card is offering that on top, I could have been forewarned! Actually, I shared the prose from yesterday in the group so I guess I did step out of my comfort zone but in a deep breath, I can do this kind of way not a hold onto your horses we're galloping kind of way...

We started the day with the Pride point today. I actually felt quite comfortable with it. Maybe because yesterdays ritual was already working that point or perhaps I did not dive deep enough but when we did the process of looking at pride and the shadow side of pride - Shame - and the inflated side of pride - Arrogance - I felt no discomfort standing in the balanced position of pride. This is interesting to me as I was raised under the conditioning of pride being a sin, yet I believe I had already done a lot of work to shed that holding because I do not think pride is a sin, at least not in its balanced form. I think it is acceptable to be proud of yourself, proud of your accomplishments, proud of your behaviour, your morals, your values, proud of other people and their achievements. I think that is all perfectly OK. Maybe as I work the Iron Pentacle more I will go deeper and find something there but Pride was pretty cruisy for me.

We were asked to go through rounds where each of us named our direct ancestors, from our parents, as far back as we could name them. The second round invited us to name our lineage - for me that meant naming the Italian, Lavian, Scottish and Irish. The third round was about naming the spiritual ancestors we feel connected to. I named myself Daughter of the witches, the dragons, the black sheep. Daughter of Hecate. Daughter of Aphrodite. Daughter of the others and the unnamed ones. In the last round, we were asked to acknowledge the unnamed ancestors. I named the alcoholics, the child abusers, the advocates, the rebels, the misogynists and oppressors, the way makers and wavemakers.

It was a curious experience for me. I have no connection to my genetic family lines, so I hold no pride where they are concerned but when I spoke my heritage I felt pride. I am proud to be a bitsa. When I named my spiritual ancestors though, I felt quite emotional. Tears welled in the back of my eyes and as I sit here and reflect on this, I think perhaps it was my spiritual ancestors joy in being acknowledged as such. It felt right to name them. I had not really associate or attached pride to these things but there definitely is some there. Next, we were invited to pull cards for Pride in its three forms.

This is what I pulled for Shame:

I've actually been sitting with shame for a while now. Shame for how I have not looked after my body and thus I am morbidly obese. Shame over my inability to do what I know I need to do to get back to a healthier weight. Shame that I struggle with what I eat. Shame that it feels so difficult to remove the excess weight. Shame that I can barely bring myself to exercise for 10 minutes or go for a walk. I have been carrying around this Shame for a long, long time now so this card is exciting to receive. My shame has been building so it indicates a climax, which is the moment before a thing finishes, so I am hopeful this indicates a culmination and ending to this shame I carry so I can find a way to love my body as it is and care for my body regardless of how it is. So I'll hold this shame a little while longer and let it reach it's climax so that I may fully let it go when the time comes.

This is what I pulled for Arrogance:

When I pulled this and read it I instantly thought to myself huh? Why do I need to release anything, I'm not arrogant! Then heard my arrogance in my inner voice and laughed at myself. From this card, I am opening to the acceptance that I have some arrogance that I blind myself to. I will hold this lightly and gently. I will not beat myself up for it. I will not go looking for my arrogance; however, I may be more sensitive to its presence in my life moving forward and intentionally let it go when I come across it.

This is what I pulled for Pride:

This felt like something to celebrate. The end of a tough cycle, oh how my weary bones need that to be the truth. It's interesting if taken all together, a fiery climax approaches, what do I need to release and the end of a tough cycle approaches, perhaps anger will arise for me to let go so the cycle can end. Sounds good to me!

From here we moved into Power. I headed into this... unconcerned? Foolish of me as I look back now really. I knew the Iron Pentacle was well known for bringing up stuff to be worked on and worked with so I don't know why I expected these last two to just be cruisy and flow over me unchallenged. We were asked to describe how we experience Power in a few short words. I mentioned that when I am faced with someone's power over me it triggers my rebellious nature and that tends to make me push back with righteous power of my own, yet only when I'm pushed does this happen. I also acknowledged that I all too easily give my power away. It drives me bonkers, it frustrates and annoys me that I do this. It is the people-pleaser in me. My boundaries are still so wavering. Though growing stronger, they are still so malleable and I often find myself giving my power away without realising I'm doing it until afterwards and sometimes, even worse, I find myself freely giving my power away consciously.

Working with power began to feel a little owie. I think I have a lot of stuff around power but I'm not sure what. Perhaps from the instances where my power was stolen from me or ripped from me and also those parts where I gave away my power. I am sad that I allow this to happen, even a little angry at myself that I keep letting it happen. I know it is a conditioned response/reaction, that part in me that is a people pleaser. It occurred to me as we sat with the point of power that I haven't given it a lot of thought before. It didn't even really occur to me that power could be something to look at in my life or in the rest of life. So I guess it was quite a shock when I was wading in what I thought was quite shallow water and all of a sudden I found myself in over my head.

After path had finished, I ended up in grief and pain from something unnamed around power. There was this place in me that felt timid and tender and bruised like it's been beaten up. It's connected to a great whooping breath in of grief and pain. This part of me I have found looks small and curled up, almost like Smegle from Lord of the Rings, if you've seen it, all curled up in a ball but bruised and battered with purple, blue and yellowing bruises. It left me feeling rather tender and raw myself. I decided to tend to myself rather than my Well-Being Witch duties for the rest of the day.

Thankfully there was not a lot left to the day but more on that tomorrow.

Affinity Group Ritual

 So much happens in such a short timeframe at camp. So much! This is why I have had to do separate posts for happenings on the same day and today at camp I have tripped over a deceptively flat and unimpeded emotional surface that wasn't so flat after all and I've had a fall, so I am finding it difficult to step back into the last half of yesterday. However, I want to honour the integrity of this journey for those who might be reading along and tell it in a linear fashion. I am just naming that for myself and to honour that today's energy as I write this, is different to yesterdays energy when I experienced what I'm about to narrate to you.

Ok. Give your lungs a nice big deep breath with me right now and shake off whatever might be trying to cling to you that isn't needed right now.

If you've been reading along up til now, you will be familiar with the Affinity Group. My group of waves composes four humans whose pronouns range from she, her, they and them. It takes work to hold a person's preferred pronouns, I'm just naming that too while I am here. It is work I am very willing to make, I simply want to acknowledge though that it does take work and energy and brainpower and I want to view my opinion that those out there complaining about honouring an individual's preferred pronoun are likely not wanting to carry the load, the load may feel too heavy for them or whatever. I feel that too. I feel the desire to not want to carry the load but again, I will. I will because I honour all people's in all the ways they wish to show up in the world. Anyway, moving on...

Through camp we do a number of rituals and the rituals have an arc from first opening ritual to the closing ritual. Each ritual has it's place in the overarching theme of camp. The theme this year is Iron into Pearl. The points of each of the pentacles Iron and Pearl correspond. Now, I am no expert on this subject at all. I am new and learning so if you want to learn with true accuracy I invite you to take your own journey I just want to be transparent in that all I write is MY OWN understanding of what I am hearing and learning so may not be complete or 100% accurate. With that provision, the pentacles of Iron and Pearl have a bridging energy that allows us to travel from one point to the corresponding one and I believe this comes from a human named Dawn Isidora. It goes like this:

IRON        BRIDGE               PEARL

Sex            Connection            Love

Self            Awareness             Wisdom

Passion      Temperance           Knowledge

Pride          Integrity                 Law

Power        Responsibility        Liberation

Thus, each ritual has a focus around each of the points of Iron bridging into Pearl. Every day all the witches gather to take part in the ritual except on the Saturday. On the Saturday, the Affinity Groups are given the intention and they go off to organise and perform their own rituals together as a microsatellite of the whole. The intention for this ritual was:

LISTENING AT THE BOUNDARIES WE TEND OURSELVES AND EACH OTHER. WE ARE CHALLENGED WITH PRIDE AND INTEGRITY.

I'm not going to spend any time unpacking that here because there is a lot. I'm just here to share with you my experience of our Affinity Group ritual. I'll pause here to mention again, I have been blessed with amazing humans as part of my Affinity Group and I am incredibly grateful for that. I was flat this day and while the talk of Passion helped inflate me a bit, I was still flat and I had a headache and my energy levels were deplete so I definitely was not up for some exuberant full of life and energy ritual like I got to take part in with my first Affinity Group, so I was grateful when one of the humans in my Affinity Group took charge and made an awesome suggestion where she would guide us through a trance, we would do some sharing around Pride and Integrity then we would go off out into nature to listen at the boundary and notice what we heard, if anything came through, etc.

I am blessed to live right across the road from a Bushland.

It is full of concrete paths but there is this one unpaved path that I love and I knew that was where I was going to go listen at the border. If you've been reading along, you also know I have been accompanied by Spider even before this WitchCamp journey began and wouldn't you know it, there was Spider awaiting me at the boundary, high enough that I could walk under if I so chose.

I had taken my journal with me, because I am what I think of as a mute channel. It's similar to automatic writing but automatic writing is where it can seem like someone or something else is taking over and writing by way of your hand, that is not what I do. I channel words and images into my brain and I usually write or draw them out. A lot of channels just speak what is coming through them; however, my voice is often blocked. I struggle to speak out loud, to verbalise, to use my voice (on many levels) yet put a pen or pencil in my hand and I find fluidity, fluency, articulation abounds.

I admit to feeling quite foolish, standing there at the boundary and looking up at this Spider in silence, waiting, listening. Thankfully it was an overcast day and raining in dribs and drabs so no one was walking the paths but I would have been visible from the road if anyone looked through the small strip of trees. I let my discomfort around looking like a crazy person go, though, and I simply sank into the Bushland. I connected to the Spider at the boundary and I breathed. It did not take long for the words to flow and flow they did. So now, the prose that flowed out of me at the boundary as I listened and tended to myself holding Pride and Integrity in my mind:

The spider guards the boundary where I stand

Asking

Do you dare, do you dare?

It says

Take care, take care.

Beware.

It holds its treasures in its web

Out of reach, out of reach

It whispers in your ear

Challenging you, goading you

You look along the path before you

The spider asks

Do you pass, do you pass?

What knowledge do you seek?

What secrets do you keep?

How long until you weep

as grief lay at your feet?

Be sure. Be certain.

For there is no turning back

If you dare to cross this boundary in your path.

Will fear stop you
From showing up in the world?

Will fear be your downfall?

Or can fear meet with integrity as the pearl consumes the grit

And will fear allow you to step upon the path

To surpass your wildest dreams.

Fear might hold you but Integrity beholds you

And if you listen close

The path will open up

But do you dare? Do you dare?

What is it you might find there?

Do you even care?

Do you take a step onto that path

Into the great unknown

Where everyone will see you

Where everyone will hear you

Do you dare? Do you dare

To show up as your real self

Shedding the masks, shedding the farce ​

Shedding, shedding, to get within

The secret treasure protected by the spider

Hidden inside ya

Do you dare? Do you dare?

Do you care? Do you care?

Will you meet You there?

Stay out of my hair!

You spider up there

For I dare! I dare!

I care, I care!

I hold my breath

While the treasures I do seek

I care, I care

I dare, I am there

To meet myself

Laying at my feet

the fear I can no longer abide

What once was sin

Can now begin

To be rejoiced, rejoiced

In my new-found voice

I accept, I accept

The challenge will be met

As I breathe breath into this life

I breathe breath into this place

This place I come to embrace

All that I am

All that I am

For I am Sovereign

I will no longer be damned/dammed

I will be heard

I will be loud

I will be proud

This path I walk with integrity

For all to see the real me

So mote it be

So mote it be

So mote it be

Usually, the rituals happen after dinner but the Affinity Group ritual actually happens in the middle of the day but that is to give enough time for a Bardic Night where the campers show off their talents, skills or step into their edges and be brave enough to do performances, be it dance, singing, poetry reading, acting etc and in between we cast a spell to "Bring a Witch to Camp!" where we raise funds to offer people a scholarship to camp. We raised enough funds to send potentially 14 witches to camp next year, so if you're interested in attending a CloudCatcher definitely check out the website and at the end of the year when registration for next year's camp opens up, apply for a scholarship if you need to and come along! All are welcome at camp, from the neurotypical to the neurodiverse, to the fae, the dragons, the mischief-makers, the queer, the rebels, everyone is welcome here. So come along and have some fun :)

Until tomorrow you gorgeous creatures, In Joy!

Iron Pentacle - Points of Self and Passion

 

As we only have 4 days of Path but there are 5 points to the Iron Pentacle, we explored two of the points today. There is a six-week offering of the Iron Pentacle that I would love the opportunity to take part in at some point (hah, no pun intended but gratefully used with amusement!) because I felt quite rushed through the Passion Point in particular and that one enlivened me and led me to something I know I have unconsciously, maybe slightly consciously avoided looking at and I would have loved to have sat in that energy for a while longer. Perhaps we will touch on it a little bit more tomorrow.

We seem to be going around the outside of the pentacle rather than the course of running the Iron Pentacle where we run the iron from our head - the Sex Point, down to the right foot - the Pride Point, back up to the left hand - the Self Point, across to the right hand, the Power Point, down to the left foot - the Passion Point and back up to the head. Thus, after exploring the Sex Point yesterday, this morning we moved into the Self Point and then to the Passion Point.

The Self wasn't a big or deep exploration for me, perhaps I am already too self-absorbed or self-ish or self-aware or self-knowing, I don't know but there wasn't a lot there for me on this journey with the Iron Pentacle tool. We did a process where we scraped off all the masks and false selves that we tend to wear and were invited to pick up any we still wanted to keep while the rest was composted back into the Earth. We also went on a treasure hunt through our house to find parts of ourselves that perhaps have been lost or gone missing or are forgotten. We found something to represent each of the different points of the Iron Pentacle in relation to the Self, so sex in our Self, the self in our Self, the passion in our Self, the pride in our Self and the power in our Self. 

Sex wasn't so hard, I immediately had my large carnelian heart pop into my mind's eye.

Self was easy too but interesting for me. My Monkey popped into my mind's eye. I find it interesting because my Monkey is comforting and I have had my Monkey for 40 years. It makes sense though you know. My Monkey originates from a time when I was young and new to the world, where the world was open and waiting for me to explore, when things were new and all sorts of things were possible. Also, my Monkey holds a lot of my life in him. My grief, my pain, my sadness, my losses, my desires, my wishes, my dreams, my successes. He has been with me almost my entire life and he kind of holds that entire life within him, so I guess it really makes sense that he is what represented my Self. I didn't even realise the photo of my Nan, who stepped in as mother for me as a child, ended up in this photo beside my Monkey and it's quite appropriate that she is there, for she was a strong influence in shaping me, raising me, conditioning me and creating the Self I am today.

Power took a beat to figure out but I soon landed on my books, specifically my non-fiction books. I guess because I believe knowledge is power and knowledge often comes from books. (as I sit here editing this one last time before publishing it and having now tapped into the point of Power, this feels really superficial to me. Not superficial in a negative way, simply superficial in that I stayed in the shallows here but only because I was simply unaware of how deep this goes - more on that in a future post)

Pride was quite difficult for me... well, not the finding of something to represent it because the second I thought of pride a wine glass, clean, clear, sleek and beautiful popped into my mind's eye. I don't know why though, that's what part of the difficulty is. I'm still not entirely sure why the wine glass was what came to me to represent pride. Pride is also difficult because I was raised by my grandparents who conditioned into me that Pride was a sin and it was sinful to be proud yet there is a part of me that doesn't feel like there is anything wrong with being proud, proud of who you are, proud of what you do, proud of who you show up in the world, proud of your and others accomplishments, to take pride in your home or how you present yourself, to feel proud about how you choose to behave. I think pride can be a good thing. Yet there's the wine glass...

TANGENT: I don't even drink wine. I just love wine glasses and sometimes I want to drink out of one so I bought wine glasses so I could when I wanted to. Also, my Bella drinks out of a wine glass. Yeap, you read that right! When I first got Bella when she was around 1 year old, she wasn't drinking water and I asked the vet who suggested I set out a number of different water containers and find which one she decided to drink out of and she chose the wine glass so voila! My Bella is a Queen. I love her so much.

My Queen

The last one was passion and that one was quite difficult as well to represent, mostly because I have a lot of passion apparently. I am passionate about art and art therapy, I am passionate about the craft and self-development, I am passionate about books and reading, I am passionate about learning, I am passionate about dragons, I am passionate about advocacy and equality and inclusion and honouring however someone wants to show up in the world, I am passionate about a lot of things. As I thought of all these things, red candles showed up in my mind's eye. So I gathered my three red candles and lit them in honour of all the passion I have in my life, so much passion.

We had a little trance to travel back to our soul before we were born then were brought slowly back to the present making stops along the way. I am incredibly grateful for how vivid my mind's eye is. So vivid. I am truly blessed with vividness in both voice and image. I will not go into the details but suffice to say, it was a lovely journey.

We moved into Passion after that. I feel like I could happily have spent days there. Like I said before, when I was thinking of Passion in relation to Self there was already so much there and I simply did not get enough time to explore my own nor hear about others. Passion excites me, it enlivens me, both my own and hearing about others. So today, I'd love to know what lights up your face when you talk about it? What makes you bounce in your seat? What could you talk about for days and find yourself wanting to apologise to the other person cause you feel like you're boring them even though you probably are not? I could have listened to my partners-in-breakout for hours!

Needless to say, I spoke about art and art therapy but apparently, when I talk about parenting that is when my face lights up. When I talk about wanting to help parents relate to their children as the divine beings they are, my face lights up. When I talk about wanting to help people accept children and all they have to offer and to recognise they are simply little adults with big emotions and when an adult can't even self-regulate an emotion, imagine how much harder it is for a child to if they haven't had an adult around to help co-regulate them?! The kid thing is something that has been bubbling under the surface of my being for a really long time. A really long time. I ignore it rather thoroughly. I see it, I feel it, I turn my back on it. It scares me. It scares me because I am The Great Unwanted One and this Great Unwanted One has discovered she parents in a REALLY different way to ... well, pretty much everyone she's ever come across. 

It's like every day I have 1 or 2 things pop into my awareness that wants my attention and sometimes I feel pulled in a lot of different directions. Camp is only over 5 days though so I figure I will allow what arises to arise, I will hold it lightly, I will give it attention when it arises, I will put a pin in it and then after camp, we will see what we see.

The rest of camp today was made up of an Affinity Group ritual and Bardic Night. I'll save that for another post. So until next time you awesome creatures, so long, farewell, with love, laughter and blessings. In Joy!

The Great Unwanted One Unconditionally Accepts You

Within the WitchCamp culture there is this thing called Affinity Groups. They are - for the most part - randomly assigned smaller groups within the larger group where you connect, check-in with each other around how they are going with camp, maybe make new friends, have time to talk about each other's experiences, do a mid-camp ritual together if you are called to, etc. Sometimes, apparently, the Affinity Group is not such a great experience for people, it could be a clash of personalities, a clash of cultures, rudeness, inconsideration, whatever it is sometimes the Affinity Groups just aren't so good. Thankfully, that has not been my experience - granted this is only my second ever WitchCamp so there's still time.

In my first WitchCamp when we arrived at the rego desk there was a big bowl full of pendants on a red cord and each of those pendants had a piece of art on them. They are the Affinity Tokens and we're invited to reach in and pull one out. That then becomes your Affinity Group for the duration of camp. Being an online experience this year I'm not sure what the process was or how random it was but we were sent out a care package with a few bits and bobs in it along with our Affinity Token.

This year a number of artists were asked to create a few Affinity Tokens and I happily volunteered. I was given three prompts to turn into tokens. My prompts were: *Waves* *Meditating for Knowledge* and *Moons reflecting on water* and almost immediately I had a vision of what each one would be. It did not take me long to first sketch then render them as they flowed into me quickly and easily with no thought at all, they were just there, waiting, like they knew I would be birthing them and so I did. I clothed them in Copic and they were then taken and turned into tokens for the coming Witches.

I was both amused and delighted that my token ended up being a piece of my own art. I happen to love my art. Do not get me wrong, if someone calls me an artist or compliments my work that pesky Inner Critic comes growling out ferociously to tear me down inside and call me an imposter, a fraud, a charlatan, telling me I'm no artist, who do I think I am?! Regardless of the Inner Critic's mean voice, I still enjoy most of my art for the most part, especially when I render it in Copic. It's like glitter for the face painting world, the face paint can be pretty bad but fling some glitter on it and it looks beautiful. My illustrations could be pretty meh but render it in Copic and all of a sudden it looks beautiful.

When I do art like this though when someone asks me for art for a specific thing I feel like I become a channel, my crown chakra opens up and my third eye is wide and the art simply lands on the Earth plane as though it was always there just waiting for my hand to come and draw it. This is my Affinity Token for the Affinity Group: Waves.

This one is from the prompt Meditating for Knowledge, which I think was simply called meditating person:

Last but not least, the one created from the prompt moonlight shining on water, which is known as the Tides Affinity Group:

I felt incredibly blessed at my first ever CloudCatcher to have been a part of a group of - off the top of my head - six other women. Each amazing women and we did probably the most powerful ritual together where we poured our grief into a container and we each grieved with the person doing the pouring, howling and wailing along with her in solidarity, it was amazing. I know that sometimes the Affinity Groups don't work out so well so I was incredibly happy and grateful to have had such a supportive all-female group. Please, do not read into my all-female comment. I love males, they are divine and sacred just as females are, just as the non-binary are and any of those I haven't mentioned. I just really appreciated having an all-woman space to share, connect and create magic. I enjoy all the other-than-female presences within the larger group, there was simply something secretly sacred that touched a very ancient piece of my heart within my all-female group that I cherished.

This time, while I have only spent an hour with my Affinity group so far, I feel the same way. There are only four of us this time. It is small, intimate and it feels like there is space and time for really good sharing and connecting. I am truly blessed. I look forward to leaning into these humans (there are some pronouns to take into respectful consideration here that I do not have the adequate language to describe in a collective manner, so 'human' will have to suffice with the provisor that there are again no males in my group) some more as we connect and support each other through the rest of camp. Again, I find myself blessed by the Goddess for providing me such an amazing group. More about them tomorrow though, it's time for today's main event... the second camp ritual!

THE SECOND RITUAL

Here's the thing about working between the worlds in magical spaces in groups of magical people with magical processes, you never know what is going to rise to the surface. My first day in Path has proven that, I certainly did not expect the undercurrent of shame around Sex to come up for exploration. Well, I also did not expect the familiar story I carry around with me to show up in the second group ritual and yet, here we are. Really though, it probably should not have been a great surprise, it's been nibbling at my toes all year, perhaps the Spider has dug it up and dragged it from the depths for a go-around.

We started by having a circle cast within the greater camp circle and I'm glad I experienced running the Iron Pentacle in Path this morning because that is what we then did. I prefer it when I am familiar with what is going on, unlike my first camp where it was all very new and very unknown to me. Before ritual we have ritual conspiracy where we are told the basic parameters of what the ritual will entail and while it is good for something to hold lightly, you never really know what is going to happen or what is going to stumble out of the darkness and into the light to be seen and though I had a familiar figure arrive, it was still unexpected. Clearly, though, it is begging to be acknowledged and held by me.

We were guided into a deep trance where we experienced rotting, practising for when our bodies die and decay in this world. Sounds morbid and a little creepy and perhaps it was a little, it was a bit confronting for me in moments but the end result was that there was nothing left of us but grit and that grit that is left behind is the stuff we carry around with us, sometimes for lifetimes.

We held that grit, we looked at that grit, we felt into that grit, perhaps we named it, or gave it a feeling name or perhaps it just existed and there were no words or feelings or movements attached to it, it was just our grit. 

I want to pause here to really deeply and fully acknowledge what an incredibly amazing job the Orgs have done in organising this WitchCamp. Normally we converge on the beautiful mountain that I live in the shadow of here in South East Queensland, Australia. It's normally an in-person camp where over 100 witches come together and create incredibly powerful magic, but COVID amiright? So the Orgs have put in a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of energy and a bucket tonne of skill to deliver what so far has been an incredibly similar experience online by way of the Zoomzies. They have created all the spaces we would have had on the mountain and they have designed rituals that incorporate all that Zoomzies has to offer and it's mind-blowingly incredible. Truly. The maddest of props to all involved in delivering such a comprehensive and intensive experience via technology, I am in deep awe.

Back to the grit.

We were then put into a breakout room or a station and we went through 4 different stations, or rather the stations came to us. I actually deeply love the order my experience went in, I'm not sure if I would have gone as deeply as I did had it been any other way, it was perfect. First, we had the sharing station where we were invited to think about the grit we had and wasn't I surprised to discover that my grit was titled The Great Unwanted One. It is a story that has been perpetuated from the moment I was born, possibly the moment my existence was discovered and potentially from a previous lifetime but there it was, my lifetime cross to bear dredged unexpectedly from the grit, grit that I may carry with me for this entire lifetime or maybe it will blow away in the wind one day. So there I sat holding that grit of mine, holding it and lamenting it and we were invited to think of the gift that grit might bring to community. We were each then asked to share what that gift was and the small group told each person that they honoured the gift they brought to community. My gift is Unconditional Acceptance. I honour the gift of Unconditional Acceptance that my grit allows me bring to community.

I am usually a find the silver lining kind of person, find the learning, find the growth, find the gift kind of person. Now don't get me wrong, I do not do it to bypass my grit, I spend plenty of time sitting with my experiences, my stories, my trauma, my grief, my wounds, my grit and the emotions that come with the grit, it is simply my way of beginning to move beyond, beyond the story, beyond the trauma because I am uninterested in dwelling there if I can help it. All of that is valid. I acknowledge I have plenty of trauma I am currently incapable of doing any of that with right now and there is nothing wrong with that either. No matter where each of us are in our journeys is perfectly imperfect and wonderfully human and completely valid. The Great Unwanted One has, until this point, had no silver lining, no learning, no growth, no gift. It has simply been the story of me, the story of Samm, it is what I am - The Great Unwanted One. This ritual process allowed me the opportunity to bring the dark into the light and take a moment to stop and think, what, if any, gift has it given me and BAM! It came through loud and clear, as sucky as it is to always feel like The Great Unwanted One, it has also given me a powerful gift that I am grateful for. It has given me the gift of Unconditional Acceptance. Discovering this, feeling this, acknowledging this was gently, softly empowering for me. I love how Unconditionally Accepting I am, it's one of the things I actually love most about myself. I will always accept the great unwanted ones unconditionally. That was a powerful realisation for me and perchance it will be what I need to know in order to begin cleaning out the wound that festers inside me, or maybe it won't, only Future Samm knows the answer to that one. I wouldn't call this gift silver lining but it has definitely allowed me to come at my grit with deeper compassion for myself, a deeper celebration of myself and a way to find at least a small bit of gratitude for my experiences.

From there we found ourselves in the drumming and movement station, which was perfect after processing the grit and gift, to move the body, to move the energy through and from the body. It was exactly what was needed to help shift some of the grit.

Next, we found ourselves at the outside station. We were given 10 minutes to go outside into the night (or the day for those joining camp from the USA and other places around the world) and meditate, connect with our glorious planet. The cool night air was exactly what I needed to help blow away some of the old cobwebs clinging to me. Lastly, we found ourselves in the meditation station to wrap it all up nicely where we chanted about seeking our innate wisdom.

After all four stations had been visited we found ourselves back in the main room where we brought some fun and some wisdom into the chatbox and shared our wisdom. It got a little silly in moments which brought with it some much-needed laughter to lighten and bring us up and out of the depths. Before we said farewell we sang a beautiful lullaby written by Fio a WildWood Priestess. His words and tune are still playing in my head. For the last run-through we were invited to sing it to the place inside us that needed it the most. Ooof. 

So now I am spent and I will sleep deep between the worlds tonight. This thing we do, it may bring up things but we are held safely and securely in these moments and we are always brought back to centre and love. If not, well people can always come see one of the Wellness Witches (I'm one!) for some extra support and witnessing.

It is an amazing journey this one, full of twists and turns and sometimes unexpected potholes but I wouldn't have it any other way. No one said this journey would be smooth as we traverse through life. No one mentions how resilient you have to be either, but no one ever told me it would be smooth. I was thrown into this life headfirst through a really tight passage that squeezed me like a diamond being formed. This camp though, this work, this magic, this is the gritty stuff.

Tomorrow, more on Path work and perhaps the Affinity Ritual. Until then, with love and laughter you awesome creatures! In Joy!

The Iron Pentacle

There's something about sleeping, living, breathing between the worlds. I haven't been sleeping well lately but last night? I slept! I woke up and my body was all cosy, comfy and content. I woke up an hour before my alarm was set and didn't feel the need to roll over and go back to sleep. There is something about living in ritual space for days on end that enlivens me.

Today marks the first day of what is known as Path at WitchCamp and probably one of the biggest reasons I am so pulled to attend camp to begin with. I am a lover of learning and that is what Path is about. It is essentially a three hour immersive and experiential learning experiencing. For me, this is the part where the transformation happens. This is the part where I expand, I grow, I stretch beyond where I thought my edges were and I reach outward to see what else might be available to me in my lived experience.

There are four Paths over the course of the long weekend and this camp's theme is Iron into Pearl so the four paths are:

** Elements - a core class that is required before all others. I got to experience this one last year and it was amazing. It encompasses all the basics, how to cast a circle, the order Reclaiming does it in. As with all Reclaiming experiences, there was chanting, trancing and experientials. It delves deeply into Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit and the foundations of the Reclaiming Tradition.

** The Iron Pentacle - this is another core class in the Reclaiming Tradition and this is the Path I am choosing for this camp! As such, I don't know a lot about it yet but I'll share what I learn along the way. Exploring the points of Sex, Self, Passion, Pride and Power.

        

** The Pearl Pentacle - yet another core class and this one usually comes after doing at least some of the work held within the Iron Pentacle, like the next level up if you will. Again, this one I know very little about but maybe one day in the future I will be able to share. Exploring the points of Love, Liberty, Law, Knowledge and Wisdom.

** The Community Path - I do not know much about this one, I am not particularly drawn to it this time but my vague understanding is it is about doing the work out in the community. Exploring collaboration, leadership and justice amongst other things.

I will speak to the workings of my Path a little further down, I just wanted to share that I pulled a card from the beautiful Moonology oracle deck this morning, to find a card to anchor me to the day, something I could keep present and look at whenever I felt called to, to help me remain present and open to what is to come and when I pulled it, I laughed and scoffed and rolled my eyes because:

I have to say, that expectation was already sitting in my body! It's interesting that the cards almost always tell me what I already know, they just want to make sure I get the message and that the message is loud and clear and in my current awareness. It's confirming, in it's way. It's validating and reassures me that I know the way. I always know the way.

THE IRON PENTACLE                                                        

As you can see by the image above, the iron pentacle has 5 points and each point is a point of energy that we work with as we utilise this tool for personal growth and healing. After having spent 3 hours with the Ah-mazing SusanneRae and the Wonderful Tracey Cathcart I have already dived deep and had moments of realisation and understanding. Doing any of this work is always going to reveal layers and bring about moments of clarity and - more-often-than-not - bring up some raw, tender parts for witnessing, exploration, acknowledgement and holding. So I just want to give a gentle warning that I tend not to hold back with my personal sharing. I will give you, Dear Reader, all that I have. I will allow you access into my deepest world so if you choose to read on, do so with caution and tread gently for MY stuff might trigger YOUR OWN stuff as we are all interconnected and as I heal, so shall you, so shall the world. We can be in this together, if we so choose.

To start with, after creating sacred space within the confines of the Iron Pentacle Path, we then did a process known as to "run the iron pentacle" and what that means is, we connected to the iron of the dead stars that have spread their iron through space ever outward coalescing and forming iron particles, we tapped into the iron core of our glorious planet, we drew the iron in to us and allowed it to connect with the iron that runs through our bodies via our blood, we tapped into our own iron cores and that core was then moved around the body in a pentagram fashion connecting to each point of the Iron Pentacle. We start with the head, where the point of Sex lay. We moved down then to our right foot, to the point of Pride, from there we moved up and across to our left hand, the point of Self. Across the body to the right hand and we connected to the point of Power, travelling down and across now to the left foot, the point of Passion and back up to the point of Sex to complete the Pentacle. We ran through this three times and sealed it by going around in a circle. Already I could feel the energy building and thrumming in me.

For those interested in exploring this further, the Iron Pentacle originates in the Feri Tradition and is an initiatory process and was introduced into the Reclaiming Tradition in Australia around 2011/2012. Google will help you find your way if you wish to know more.

Today's point of focus was Sex. We were invited to offer up a word that comes to mind when you think of Sex. I would invite you to let me know in the comments what word comes to you. There were many different words offered, empowering words, gentle words, edgy words, interesting and seemingly unrelated words. My offering: SHAME. 

Interestingly enough, I felt shame at voicing that word, like there was something wrong with me. Yet I aim to be authentic, real, open and as honest as I can be while I am between the worlds, otherwise, why do the work, you know? And Shame is the word that came through to me loud and clear and left no room for anything else. As I was waiting my turn to have to speak up and voice that word I caught myself trying desperately to think of another word, any other word but my mind refused to oblige me. Shame. Shame. Shame, my inner mind cried. So I said it and I sat with my shame at voicing shame in relation to sex and as I sat with it I asked myself, what? What is this that is emerging? What is this arising and what is it I need to look at here?

So I looked and I saw. I saw me as a young girl, being raised by her obligated grandparents with their deeply entrenched misogynistic and patriarchal values and worldviews. My grandparents birthed 3 boys and nary a daughter in sight until I, their granddaughter, was placed in their lives to raise. I saw the undercurrent of shame around anything to do with sex that I was raised from. Nothing was really explicitly said that I remember but it was always there, always implied, always floating just beneath the surface. I was raised and conditioned through my childhood by people who were still deeply entrenched in the oppression of women. While we do still have a ways to go, I would like to pause here and acknowledge that we have come far. Women can vote now. Women can get a job outside the family home. Women can go to school and get a formal education. Women can be doctor's, lawyers, CEOs. Women can have their own bank account. We have come a long way and yet my grandparents still very much had a foot stuck in that paradigm and it bled through into my childhood.

Yet, I am woman, hear me roar. It has never and will never be in my nature to just rollover. I identify strongly with the Rebel Archetype. I am a non-traditionalist. I am a non-conformist. I might go with the flow but eventually, I tend to forge my own path and move to the beat of my own drum and thus, I ran away from my grandparents when I was 13 and after a whirlwind 3 days running wild, I landed with my mother. My mother who is also considered the black sheep of the family, the rebel, the non-conformist - no wonder my grandparents didn't want me to have anything to do with her! She was a free-loving hippy nymphomaniac. In fact, I'm almost certain nymphomania can be hereditary (tongue-in-cheek) as it runs pretty true along my female line, let me tell you!

So here I am with two conflicting voices in me. Sex bad. Sex good. Sex bad. Sex good. What working with the point of Sex in the Iron Pentacle has shown me today though, is that I am holding a lot of weight around Sex in my body and that the aspect of shame has been hidden, suppressed, pushed aside all these years as I rejoiced in my sexuality and my enjoyment of sexual energy. My mother gave me permission to be a sexual creature, not overtly but much as my grandparent's introduced sex as shameful covertly so too did my mother introduce sex as powerful, a good thing, a human right covertly. Yet as much as I have a hold of the beauty and power of sex, I have come to realise there is always this undercurrent of shame travelling along beneath it. As I breathe into that I acknowledge this as something for me to sit with and explore and look at over the coming years. Yes years, no need to overwhelm and rush the process. Healing and change take time.

As much as we did some processes, trancework and chanting around the point of Sex in the Iron Pentacle, just that realisation alone is a really big takeaway for me and will be the beginning of a potentially crucial and welcome transformation. This is the base ingredient for the powerful change my oracle card is portending. Interestingly, something else came up during the Path that seems unrelated to the point of sex but is it? I don't know, maybe that is a blog for another time as this one has become long enough. I think I will save the musings and insights and experience of tonight's group ritual and the meeting of the Affinity group members for another blog post another time. Definitely more to come as I am finding blogging about this journey even more deepening for me, as, after all, I am a writer in my heart of hearts.

One last thing I will mention though is the web that keeps calling to me, it has all year so far, perhaps for me, 2021 is the year of the Spider. Along came a Spider and sat down beside me and mended the loose threads of the web, helping the disconnect to reconnect. Piece by piece, the web might become whole but it's also OK if it doesn't. The web is beautiful no matter what state it exists in. As Spider as Healer showed up for me during trance today I decided I'd put on my spider ring and both acknowledge and honour the journey I'm on with it.

Spiders are Sacred!

CloudCatcher WitchCamp - Reclaiming Tradition Australia

Ever since I can remember I have identified as being magickal. I remember I was made to go to church with the neighbours when I was younger and thinking why on earth do people do this? I enjoyed the occasional story but even at 6 years old, I knew the church was not for me. It wasn't something I articulated, it was just something I felt.

So when I discovered a more magickal path when I was a teenager I felt like I had found Home. I had no guidance and did not really dedicate myself to learning more but it was always there and I always identified with being called a Witch. I kind of just stumbled along blindly, fumbling my way through the dark and learning what I could when I felt like it with no real passion or pursuance. I am what could be called a solitary practitioner. I'm not much of a rules person and I often find myself wanting to do things differently to the prescribed method, so solitary practice works best for me even if a part of me yearned for connection with a bigger body of like-souled energies. Yet I never actively sought it.

Then one day, I don't even remember how I found it but I stumbled upon CloudCatcher WitchCamp and I felt like something inside me had been ripped wide open. I felt like maybe I had found my home within a larger home. I try not to wonder why it took so long for the Reclaiming Tradition to enter into my field. I deeply believe in Divine Timing so I trust that I needed to become who I was before I found the Reclaiming Tradition but now I have found it and I fell in love.

I went to my first CloudCatcher WitchCamp in 2019. The theme was that of Ereshkigal and Innana, traversing the underworld and returning anew. I definitely returned anew. I didn't quite make it out of the underworld, I got stuck at the second last gate but it felt like that is the closest I have ever been, for I feel like I was born in the underworld, it is so familiar to me. I felt quite devastated that I didn't make it all the way out but on the flip side I felt grateful I got as far as I did. Even if I didn't make it through the last couple gates out of the underworld, I still came back to the Muggle World changed. It is impossible to go through a WitchCamp and come back unchanged. Transformation happens, whether it's subtle or not so subtle. I would have done it again in 2020 if not for COVID but alas.

This year, 2021, CloudCatcher has been offered online. I admit to being unsure how that might work or what that might look like and how potent it will be but even after the short little snippets I've experienced so far on Day One, I have no doubt it will be just as powerful as an in-person camp. Just as confronting. Just as challenging, for me. CloudCatcher WitchCamp 2021 has the theme of Iron into Pearl and the paths (essentially experiential teachings) are all core classes in the Reclaiming Tradition this year. The first one you must take is the Elementals Path, which I experienced in 2019 with two amazing teachers, Jarrah and Jack. I was familiar with a lot of what was taught but that is just the intellectual part, there is nothing that can adequately describe the spiritual, mental, emotional journey of going through the Elementals class. So I'm excited this camp to finally get to do the Iron Pentacle core class. I heard about it shortly after camp 2019 and immediately knew I had to do it. I expect it to be incredibly challenging, incredibly confronting and also incredibly transformative. I am both excited and trepidatious. I will be guided through the Iron Pentacle by Tracey Cathcart and SusanneRae. I'm so looking forward to learning from these humans!

I love the Reclaiming Tradition. It is so respectful and inclusive and honouring of the individual. So, for the first five days of this blog-a-thon for the month of April, I hope to be writing about the camp and my own personal journey as I traverse it. I hope you will witness me as I go along and challenge my conditioning, strengthen my boundaries, push beyond my comfort zone and stretch myself into a new way of being.

 So today, Day One, is about orienting ourselves to camp. It's about checking in, meeting each other, meeting the orgs, catching up with old friends if you have them, it's about coming together as a large collective of witches, stepping in between the worlds for 5 days and performing magic that changes all the worlds for the better, including ourselves. After dinner is our first camp ritual that creates a sacred container that we are held within for the entirety of camp. We create small sacred spaces within smaller groups and within the larger group throughout the camp but this first ritual is about creating the safe, sacred container to carry our collective energies through the entire camp. It comes with energies passed along from each camp that came before and at the end, we pass along the energy gathered amongst us at this camp to the next camp along the web of life. It is power and potent stuff.

At camp, we often have a number of altars set up in the Ritual Hall. However being online this year, we are each building our own personal altars to add to the collection of altars built. Here are some photos of my starting altar. It may very well grow throughout camp, change, the altar may alter as the energies weave and create new pathways, neural, energetic, physical. The altar, much like the individual, is a living thing.

If you would like to learn more about CloudCatcher WitchCamp or the other Reclaiming WitchCamps across the globe you can start at www.cloudcatcherwitchcamp.com.au and go from there.

In the first ritual, a potent question arose and I'd like to ask it of you now.

What is your deepest desire in this moment of your life?

Mine is connection. Connection to others, connection to the planet and most of all connection to myself. I would love to hear yours.